Ahhhh the life of an MSer.
I freaked my husband out recently. Tears and all. I feel bad about it. Sometimes I feel like I’m loosing it though. Like I literally have no grasp on reality anymore. Of course that’s not why I freaked out. My left foot has been getting worse. I now have to think about picking my foot up when I walk. Curbs and stairs hate me! I haven’t fallen. But every time I walk up or down stairs I picture myself falling and exactly how I would hit the ground and exactly who is around and how embarrassing that would be. But in my attempt to stay healthy and active I am still taking the stairs instead of elevators. This may just be part of my stubborn streak. If something/one tells me I can’t do something then that’s all I want to do. Even if it’s my own body. Even if it’s just stairs.
I also am very thankful that I am right handed. My left hand no longer has the ability to hold things except in a grasping fist type fashion. Something like a pen or pencil would be out of the question. Coffee mugs by the handle are out of the question. The weakness in my left three fingers is constant now.
This is why I freaked out. I am aware that MS is a degenerative disease. I thought that because I’m young the lesions that I already had would heal. Or at least not get worse. Now that I’m on Tysabri and my damn immune system can’t get into my brain or spine I thought great, I’ll be ok. I know I’m being naive. Isn’t this how we all want to think though? Now I wonder, is it going to get worse?
My husbands advice is to get back to being more active. He’s not wrong. I kinda crashed after last month. I really pushed too much. The recovery took significantly longer than I thought that it would.
Let’s think about that for a second. What was too much for me? I ran 2 book fairs at different schools back to back with a few overlapping days. During this time I also had meetings and events for Board of Ed. Now that’s not any more than a normal person with a job has to do on a regular basis. However it took me a month to recover from it.
That is what I hate most about this. Take my leg and hand. Give me back the ability to have my crazy full life. I love my crazy full life!
So back to it. The month is over. Back to running. I miss it. Maybe it will help. You know what they say about bodies in motion. 😉