I am really happy and grateful that my brain is working again. But right now I just want it to SHUT UP! The endless lists keep rolling through my brain and I keep thinking, I really should just give in get up and go write this stuff down. Then I realize that most of it is nonsense. Oh the lists of what I need to do, who I still need to invite, how am I going to invite them, Presents I still need to buy, presents I need to wrap, Christmas cards that I need to write out, pictures that I need to order for said cards, Glass pieces that I need to make for the Christmas shop, and it goes on and on. Then my mind starts wandering into the dreaming of the additions that I want to add to my house. Those are fun but I’m designing in my head and that doesn’t help with the sleep.
What I want right now is my meditative state.
Don’t make fun. When I explained this sensation to one of my yoga instructors she told me that that is what it was.
All the sudden your brain feels like it is this vast open space. Like a room because you feel surrounded and protected, but at the same time there are no walls ceiling or floor. It’s dark but not dark. I guess it’s not a matter of there being light but that there is nothing for the light to reflect off of so it doesn’t matter. Kind of like space. It’s not like I envision my body being in this place. I’m just there “in spirit”? Sometimes, when I am really close to sleep there is a ball. A small ball that is bouncing. I’m not sure if it is making any noise. It is just bouncing. And it isn’t fast or slow really. Just bounce, bounce, bounce. If you get what I mean. It is rhythmic and soothing. That’s when I know that sleep is soon to follow.
This is the state that I would like to be in right now. Not writing a blog at 3am because I can’t sleep. Especially since I know I have another crazy day of running around tomorrow. Oh the Christmas season, how my MS hates you. 🙂
Oh on a total side note;
I am going to an MS conference tomorrow. It’s called “Is 8 enough?” It’s about the drugs that are out now and what is to come. I am very interested in the what is to come since I am now a year in on Tysabri and you can’t stay on it indefinitely. Love those scary drugs. It would be very reassuring to me to know that they are working on something that I could switch to in a year or two.