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Invisible symptoms 

With MS there are a lot of possible symptoms. Diagnosis is difficult because some of them are so impossible for people to see. Our invisible symptoms. One of these is commonly referred to as Brain Fog. 

Brain Fog is not just Fog. 

I feel like I am loosing my mind. The world is spinning around me at 100 miles an hour and I am standing still. Except I feel like i just ran around in circles and I can’t catch my breath. 

This is the world that I am living in right now. 

Forgetting things, like people’s names and the day of the week are becoming common place. Sometimes I forget where I am, how I got there, and am terrified to move ahead further. And I’m a block from home! 

On a bad day I am constantly fearful that I have forgotten something huge. Like my kids at school. Thank goodness I haven’t actually done this yet, but I fear it anyway. Feels like I shouldn’t be left alone sometimes. Unfortunately it is at those times that all I want is to be left alone. 

I read a book called “Moo!” once. Horrible book. In it the characters were putting on a play called “Stop the world. I want to get off.”. This is how I feel. I want to push a giant pause button. I want to curl up on my couch with a cup of coffee and stare at my Christmas Tree for an entire day! No responsibilities, no one expecting anything of me, no one judging me. I promise I’ll be better after that day! 

However, I don’t want to miss anything. I still want to throw these awesome events in town and at school. My kids and my town mean the world to me. And by “my kids” I don’t mean just the ones that I made. I mean the ones that call me Ms. Janet or Noah’s mom or Tyler’s mom. The ones that think I am just So Cool because I let them dress up like pirates at the book fair. The ones that I ran around in the woods with taking video of for a social studies project. I love these kids. 

So when people say to me, Janet you need to slow down, I ignore them. I know that they are right. But I feel a strong obligation to make sure that these kids have an amazing childhood with amazing memories. I want them to see magic in the world! 

Yes, I know I sound crazy. But these are my thoughts.

So please, Stop the World!

Just for a day. 

Just so I can catch my breath.

Just so that I can keep trying to create magic. 🙂

(This is my Brain Fog.)

 
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Posted by on December 3, 2016 in Life with MS

 

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No more Napping for Me!

I am constantly surprised that you don’t realize how bad you are until you are better.

I have been in such a brain fog for the last couple of weeks. I didn’t even realize it until yesterday. When finally I could actually get things done without needing a nap every couple of hours. I hate feeling like that. So much so that I’m thinking of starting to take Wheat Grass. AH!

I would be doing fine. Walking through my house just thinking about what I am doing at that moment. Then one of the kids, or Rich, would ask me something. Not even a big something. Just a simple question, “Mom can I have a drink?” “What do you want to have for dinner?”. Then my head would go into a tail spin. Literally it felt like there was a whirlwind of activity in my brain. I couldn’t focus. I could picture a vast space where my brain should be with things whirling around as if in a cyclone. Books and wooden chairs and desks all swirling around. Nothing made sense and all I did was get angry and all they did was get angry at me for not being able to answer the simple question. So of course it didn’t get better, it got worse.

And then I would need a nap. All because someone asked me for a drink.

That has been my brain for about the last month.

Now that I am feeling better. For two days. 🙂 I am finally getting things together. Lists are being made. The house is getting cleaned. The kids homework is getting done and their table manners are going back to normal. I’m not saying I expect perfection from them, but I expect perfection from them. 🙂

It is like nothing gets done in this house when I am out of commission. I come back to normalcy (kind of) and the house is a disaster and the kids are totally out of whack. And now I think that it is going to take a couple days to get things back to normal. That is my goal. Normal. Seems like an easy thing to aspire for.

Christmas is coming and my schedule is mayhem. Like the commercials. They are already laughing at me. I have come to the point where all weekends are booked and I’m starting to fill up my week days. December is going to be crazy and I need my brain to be firing on all cylinders.

 
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Posted by on November 29, 2012 in Life with MS

 

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Brain Fog

I thought that this would be an appropriate thing to write about today. This is something that only happens to me when I am tired. Today has been a whirl wind of activity. Leaving me searching for the clarity button. So right now I am writing about right now. 🙂

Brain fog is exactly what it sound like. It’s like your brain is in a fog. One of those pea soup kind of fogs. Were your headlights actually make it worse, you can’t see the house across the street, and you are praying that you don’t bump into anything. That makes it sound a little like it’s an eye situation, but it’s not. Visually everything is clear. It’s just that your brain isn’t registering it correctly. Maybe it’s just working slower. I’m not really sure why this happens. The only comparison that I can think of, for anyone who hasn’t experienced this, is being drunk. I mean really drunk. Not the giddy feeling or the staggered walking feeling. But the I know that I was just talking to you about something, but what the hell was it. Or spending hours searching for your car that is right in front of you. That kind of drunk. When those things happen, but you don’t really care because why did that matter? I forgot.

Ok so right now apparently my fog isn’t that heavy. 🙂 Since I was capable of writing this. But I did take a nap for the half hour I was home before I had to pick the oldest up from school. And now I am off to the movies with my new friend and her kids. 🙂 Loving life right now. 🙂

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2012 in Life with MS

 

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