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Category Archives: My found bits of wisdom

Oh is it ever a new year!

So first, unofficial photo shoot under my belt. Weird. I am now a published writer. Ha! (Having nothing to do with the photo shoot, that was all about my husband. This is the life of the wife of a politician.) Ok, so all I did was write an article for our local town paper. But it’s out! It’s in people’s homes! Why, when I know that this blog has the ability to reach the entire world, am I so excited about an article that only reaches the members of my town? I don’t know. It’s something about seeing it in print. Something about seeing a title in a paper followed by my name. I love it!

There have been many other blogs, articles, that have talked about how people with MS’s life is split into two. There is the life that we started with, and then there is life after diagnosis. I have been thinking about this a lot recently. Yes, I am a little too familiar with some doctors now. But in truth, because of my right eye, I have always had issues. So all I’ve really done is add a new specialty. There are now new tests and I no longer have any issues with needles. I miss having issues with needles. I miss needles not being a common place thing in my life.

However, if you knew me before you may not even notice a change. My husband and kids notice a change, but random people that I see, let’s call them friends, probably wouldn’t notice. I myself have finally come to a point where I don’t see it as a before and after scenario. For the first year, ok 2 years, after diagnosis I was convinced that life would never be the same for me again. It didn’t help that I was on Copaxone, that wasn’t working and I had upwards of 9 new lesions at every MRI. But Tysabri has brought me back to life. No new lesions in 3 years. I’ll take it! Sure I still have issues from the previous ones. Those are things that are as of now unfixable. But I’m positive, I have put myself back out there in the world, my family is doing great, it’s a good new year! Now all I need to do is win the lottery so that I can go back to school. 🙂

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Exercise

Oh no! I hope I didn’t loose you by saying that awful word. Sometimes it sounds worse than cursing.

I’m not sure why we make that word feel so heavy. Like it is attached to everything that we hate to do.

So I am going to say that I just moved more. Significantly more.

But I am not going to chew your ear off about the awesome activities that I have been doing. : )
Instead I thought that I would share the benefits of it.

I stopped taking my Celexa! Yeah! I know that you are supposed to ween yourself off and what not. In my defense though it started as an accident. I left my meds at mom’s. 4 days later I’m back at my mom’s meds in hand. Then I stop.

“Why am I taking this?”

I know why I used to take it. But I feel great. The only reason that I started taking it was because my Neuro said that it would help with the fatigue so I would have more energy. Well last year proved that that wasn’t true. Then I kept taking it because I know first hand that when you stop cold turkey you turn into a royal bitch. Well I did. Then I started having anxiety. So I was actually asked if I would like to up my dose of Celexa. I said No. Emphatically No!

Then last week I really started moving a lot more. It was definitely forced on me. Right now I am on kind of a stay-cation.
(I actually hate that term. There is no such thing as a vacation where you don’t change your surroundings. You are all fooling yourselves. But I did change my surroundings. I’m at my parent’s house. So maybe I can consider it a real vacation?)

Well my mom is like the energizer bunny. Never stops moving. And while she understands if I am too tired to do something she will definitely push me to try.

Since right now I am sitting at the hospital waiting to be hooked up last week was not what I would have considered a great week to start moving more. But move more I did.

It started begrudgingly. But after my first act of moving (kayaking to be specific) I felt amazing. I got to my mom’s on Monday morning dragged the kids to swimming lessons ( where they did great by the way) and I felt like crap. I of course did not share this news. Then my mom informed we that we were taking the little ones kayaking. I was not thrilled. Be she seemed so adamant about going and so excited to take the little ones, who have never been, that I couldn’t talk her out of it.

Well I have to tell you that when I got back (we had a blast by the way. My little bear is awesome!) I felt great! I felt like I had energy and I was in a good mood. Like a complete 180 from that morning.

I took that experience and repeated it every day. Not the kayaking, but other things. And had the same result every time. It’s like the new super drug! Who new! And it is unfailing. So far it has worked every time!

So this is my advice;
If you feel like crap, for whatever reason, go do something. I don’t mean in your house. Go out. Take a walk, go to the park. Anything. Just get moving. All though I do think that a big part of it is being outside. Not positive about that, but an exercise (not that word again!) tape at home just doesn’t sound the same.

 

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So many people that I want to personally send this to

I really want to say that I believe that you are missing out. I’m done making excuses for your bad behavior. Yes sometimes I need help. I hate that I need help. I hate that I get tired easily. I hate that if I push myself the world starts spinning. I hate that my balance is so bad that I can barely hold tree pose.

But all of the little MS crap aside, and honestly even with it, I’m awesome! How this is not realized by some people I really have no idea. I have decided that it is time for me to toot my own horn. I am usually the person that just let’s shit happen to me, lets people steam roll over me and apologize later. I feel very lucky for all that I have, since I know that it could be much worse. Maybe that’s why I do it.

(OMG they just asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee or a pillow! Love it!!!! Sooo spoiled!!!)

I don’t want to rock the boat. (Ironically I am stealing that from my Neuro.) things are good, I just want better I want understand and compassion I want love. I deserve these things. I just want all of the people on my mental boat to realize how awesome I am or jump ship. There isn’t enough room on hear for stow aways.

Maybe I’m just bitchy today. And yes I took my meds. God I hate that question. It’s worse than asking a women if it’s that time of month.
It’s really just that the people in my life these says have helped me realize my self worth. But there are stragglers that are having a hard time with it. I’m sorry to rock your world people but

I’m Awesome!

I realize that I have flaws, lots of them. But that is a rabbit hole that I hope not to jump down for a different blog. That’s not for this one.
This blog is to remind anybody that may have forgotten, or has yet to realize, that I am worthy. Worthy of so many things and so undeserving of so many things that I get.

 
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Posted by on January 8, 2013 in My found bits of wisdom

 

Decisions

There are very few teenagers in this world who go into college knowing exactly what they want to do with their lives. Even fewer who stick with their original idea for their future. I am one of the many who had no idea going into college what I wanted to do besides move out of my parent’s house.

Well a husband, 2 kids, and more than 10 years later, I finally figured it out. I finally know what I want to be when I grow up. 🙂

It is a crazy epiphany. Especially since I don’t know why I didn’t realize it all along. I think that I was afraid to admit it to myself. Afraid to actually go after it. Afraid that people would think that I was crazy.

“Oh there goes Janet and her crazy ideas again.”

I have also been afraid that me going after my dream of my grown up future would disrupt my family life. I love my babies and don’t want to miss anything in their lives. How do you go to school for such an intense subject and not miss things? It’s impossible. But now that they are older maybe it’s ok to miss some little things. I’m certainly not happy about that part. But I have decided that it is time for me to stop living in limbo. It’s time for me to actually start doing what I want to do.

First step;

Finish paying off the student loans from the many changed decisions/big mistakes so that I can start paying new ones. 🙂

 
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Posted by on January 6, 2013 in My found bits of wisdom

 

Work in Progress

That’s me, a work in progress. I really need to get much better at being a politician’s wife. I actually don’t like saying it like that anymore. But I’m not quite sure what to label it.  Maybe it’s just my overall people skills that are lacking.

We went to a lovely Veterans’ dinner on Saturday night. This is the second year that we have attended this dinner. I will say that last year’s was a little bit nicer. There were more speakers and I really enjoy hearing their stories. This year we only had one speaker, who did a fantastic job. But everybody else was just introduced, and had their picture taken. What can you do? It was still a very nice event. The food was great, the company was great and for some reason I get a real kick out of the fact that the HS ROTC kids run the show.

Anyway, none of that was the point. The point is that I was sitting with a group of people that I apparently wasn’t even paying attention to. We were engaged in conversation the whole night. We all managed to win a bottle of wine. Yeah! It really was a lot of fun. Well on Monday morning I walked into school to drop off Noah and one of the teacher’s stopped me and said “Hi.”, like somehow we now knew each other and asked how my evening was. I said that it was fine and asked how she was. It was a polite but short conversation. And I have to say that I had no idea who the hell she was. I know that I had met her that weekend but when? My weekends have become a blur of events and I know I met her at one of them but which one? Who was she? I tried using what she said as a clue. “How was my evening?” Implying that earlier in the day we had spent time together. What totally screwed me up though was that not only did we have the Vet dinner on Saturday night but after that we went to a Halloween function in town where I met some of the people running for Freeholder in New Jersey as well as random town people. Then on Sunday I spend all day at a Maritime Museum with a group of other people from our town. So she could have been anybody. My poor brain can’t handle all of this information.

Well it wasn’t until now, this morning, that I remembered. She sat at our table at the Vet dinner. How could I forget that? We spent three hours talking and laughing. I still have no idea what her name is. I only vaguely remember her telling me that she was a teacher. I did happen to note that she does not live in our town. Maybe that’s why I dismissed the information of her name when it was given. I am so horrible.

Moving forward I really need to be more genuine in my conversations with people. I need to pay more attention to what they are actually saying and not thing of a thousand other things at the same time. Try to at least keep their names in my memory bank. Well I will try. Not surprisingly I’m going to have LOTS of times to practice.

 
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Posted by on October 17, 2012 in My found bits of wisdom

 

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Normal People

This came as a shock to me today. Normal people get tired too.

I know shocker right?

When they are tired they react the same way that we do. Cranky and not thinking straight. I really did think that this was something that was happening to me just because of the MS. But today I encountered someone who has absolutely no life altering diseases who was acting exactly the way I act when I’m tired.

Maybe I’m just not used to being tired all the time and that is why I contributed it to the MS. I should have realized that everybody experiences that. When my youngest gets cranky I always tell him that it’s because he needs a nap. When he wakes up he is normal again. It then makes sense that adults would go through this as well.

It’s like that commercial for the candy bar. We turn into people that we don’t even recognize. Very cranky people that say and do things that they wouldn’t normal say or do.

I have found myself in this position more than I care to remember. I wish that I could recognize these instances before they happen and find some way to just shut my mouth. Like I am sure that my friend wishes right now. Unfortunately there is no rewind button and there was no one there to say “_____, you are just tired and cranky, don’t open your mouth.” I could have used that today too actually.

For now we are left with the hope that other people are forgiving. That maybe somewhere deep inside they understand. Maybe they have been in the situation themselves. Compassion is a marvelous thing and I hope that all of the people that are around us tired people are using it.

 
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Posted by on September 13, 2012 in My found bits of wisdom

 

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August

This is the time of summer that I dread. We have successfully blown through all of the money that we had allotted for summer fun, the kids are starting to act like caged animals (in an insane running around like maniacs kind of way) and I have by far hit my wits end.

So what to do?

This was the question I had to ask myself last night after my mother-in-law called and said, “Hey I’m coming over tomorrow let’s do something fun.”

Something fun, in the summer, in the heat, that has to cost next to nothing but yet still gets the animals out of their cage.

My addled brain was not working well enough to answer this question. Then (and leave it to facebook right?) one of the websites I follow posted in FB that August is American Adventures Month. So I got to thinking about adventures and have planned one for my tiny band of misfits.

First we are going to stop at WaWa (love that place) to pick up a little picnic lunch. Then off to the park.

Smithville Park

              -Which doesn’t have a website, and I really feel that every business or park as the case is, should have a website. It just makes life so much easier. If you want to look it up it’s “Historic Smithville Park in Burlington County NJ”

Has a trail that I really love. It starts with the picnic benches under pergolas for our lunch, then on to the playground to de-crazy my kids, and then a beautiful 3 mile trail through woods that occasionally has you walking past a very large creek, or up and down stairs and over bridges and then finishes with a long floating bridge over a lake filled with water lilies, frogs, dragon flies, and the occasional kayaker.

I figured we would finish this little adventure with a stop at a place called White Dotte’s. Which is a little hole in the wall (or farm) that we kind of stumbled upon a couple of months ago. They make homemade soft serve ice cream using whatever fruits are in season. All of which is made using products from their farm, in which the stand is actually on. I think that my mother-in-law will like this part a lot. She is a really big fan of all things natural and healthy.

Hopefully this isn’t my only brilliant idea for cheap summer fun considering the fact that this is the 1st of August and I have an entire month until school starts again. AH!

(I waited until afterwards to post this so that I could include pictures)

 
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Posted by on August 1, 2011 in My found bits of wisdom

 

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