I need someone to follow me around and say no for me when I get crazy notions to just keep pushing. But at the same time I need someone with me to say “Janet, get off the couch!” When I have become so lazy that I start feeling crappy just because I haven’t moved in a long time. Why do I have no happy medium. I’m either on, or nonexistent.
I’m like this in absolutely every aspect of my life. My biggest flaw right now is that I do this with people. If I decide that we are friends, I trust you completely. I will tell you absolutely everything about myself. I will go out of my way to always stick up for you even when I disagree with you. Because now you are one of my people.
The hard learned reality however is that this is not a 2 way street. Sometimes it is. And then that is glorious! But most of the time not.
So I have decided that….for a little while…..I will be an observer of my life. Sounds strange, I know.
I need to focus on my health. Stop letting other people’s drama affect me. A good friend has a saying “Not my monkeys, not my circus.” I need to remember this.
I had my 6 month Neuro appointment last week. Between constantly telling me how lucky I am he told me that my brain was retraining itself. It is learning to go around the frayed nerve fibers. This is why my hand is getting so weak. Why my left 3 fingers are almost useless now. The OT said that I should use a resistance ball for an hour on each hand every day. I looked up some exercises that I need to start doing with my hand too. Screw you brain! I’m going to prolong the abandonment of my hand for as long as possible. Also between “you are very lucky”‘s he told me that it will get worse over time. But, I’m not getting new lesions. He’s not wrong. I had a momentary wallowing in self pity though.
Fine, loose my left hand. But my left foot? Ok and both? I won’t be able to move myself around in a wheel chair. I’d need a scooter. And a new freaking house! 😦 but I came up with a solution. If I could put a brace on my left foot that kept it straight then I could use a cane with my right hand. I’ve got this! Wallowing over.
Trying to figure people out.
I have always liked the fact that my immediate reaction to people is notice what’s good about them. But I need to stop ignoring their flaws. Sometimes the red flags are there and blinking and waving, yet I still ignore. I figure they will go away. At the root of it I know this is a great person, they will get over this faze.
“No!” They won’t. And even if they do first they are going to take you down there destructive little path.
Do hand exercises.
Love your family!
Do what you know is right.
Avoid other people’s monkeys.
Learn to have a happy medium!