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How to be a horrible mom 101

20 Aug

I can not believe that it has been a month. What happened to the time?

Well, shocker I’m back in the chair.

I think that I scared the crap out of Tyler this morning.

We were driving in the car and the kids are out of control. The usual stealing toys from each other (which I confiscate) and just generally being loud. I shut them up quick with the “Do I have to pull this car over?” In my scary mom voice. Even Rich is scared of my scary mom voice. Then I not so graciously pointed out where we were headed.

*there have been a couple of times, after ridiculous complaining about having to go to Grandma’s, when I have said “would you rather go to the hospital and have a needle stuck in you and dangerous meds pumped into your blood? Cause I’ll trade places.” This is alway met with a resounding “NO!” And eye rolling.*

Well the lack of graciousness is now being spurred on by the kids. So very bluntly I remind them how dangerous what I am about to do is and how tired I am. And could they please cut out their crap!

Silence from the back seat.

Tyler “could you die?” In a very small voice, “every time you do this? Could you die?”

Still angry and not being a good parent at all I say “yes.”

Silence.

Ok it’s not true, I won’t die. Or at least it is ridiculously unlikely. I feel really bad about saying that. I think Tyler might actually be crying.

It’s official, worst parent.

So I back track. I tell him that I’ll be fine. That there are measures taken to make sure that I am ok. Tests done to make sure that what I am doing is safe.

The kids go back to being happy and singing along to the music. I think that all is forgotten. I hope.

We get to my In-laws and the kids run into the great room ready to spend their time playing video games. I thank my sister-in-law for watching the kids and go back to the car.

Next thing I know the kids are running out to the car to give me a hug and a kiss and Tyler even says “good luck”.

So not forgotten.
Man, those kids almost made me cry.

I’m going to have to have a talk with Tyler later now and reassure him that I’m fine and I’m not going anywhere.
: (

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3 Comments

Posted by on August 20, 2013 in Life with MS

 

3 responses to “How to be a horrible mom 101

  1. Estizer A. Smith

    August 29, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Honest and very real. My kids are big now (very) so I don’t remember the exact moments but I’m sure there were many. My MS affected me the worse when it came to my parenting. I would imagine myself sitting and meditating with legs crossed, very “Zen Like” but my head was that of a viper. Very accurate. Now 20 years after my DX I give my MS all the credit in my changing. In being forced (no…choosing) to deal with all that was involved, fear, depression, denial, anxiety, I came out on the other side of parenting. Without my MS, it frightens me to think what I (and my kids) might have become. The viper, would have become all of me.
    You are a thoughtful mom. You care enough to reflect. Sending you lots of hugs and positive energy.

     
  2. Meg Lewellyn

    September 25, 2013 at 9:25 pm

    Hey stranger! It’s been a LONG time since I came over to your blog to say hi, but EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I get out to visit the bloggers I like:) Especially a moment like NOW when I am avoiding MINE like the plague. It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about, I DO, believe me, and it’s not so much that I’m embarrassed about WHAT I am going to write about, but for some reason, putting it off seems to be my number one trick at the moment:(
    Did you ever have a talk with Tyler?:) NOT a bad mom, just one living with LIFE:)

     
    • Janet DiFolco

      September 26, 2013 at 6:56 pm

      Hey Meg, don’t worry, I’m a disaster at keeping up with my favorite blogs. I’d say it’s been a busy month, but really, when isn’t it? Maybe I’ll start working on my time management skills. 🙂
      I did talk to Tyler. I think that he understands that while, yes it is a dangerous drug, but I’m not going anywhere. The next time that I went for my infusion he wished me good luck and while he was walking away from the car (I was dropping him off at school) he goes “try not to die.” With his little sarcastic smile. He’s such a smart ass. 🙂 so I think that he’s ok. 🙂

       

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