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Terrified

06 Jan

I am terrified right now. It’s a horrible feeling. There’s something you want to run and hide from, an unseen terror that you don’t even know if it’s coming after you, but it could be it could be coming fast. Or it could be waiting around a corner for just the right moment. You don’t know. No one knows. There really is no way to tell.

I know that I shouldn’t take other peoples MS stories, as “hey this could happen to me”, but it’s hard not to. I met someone tonight that told me his wife’s MS story. She was diagnosed with relapsing remitting 6 years ago. And she was fine. A little bit of spasticity, nothing big. And now she’s straight downhill. He kept referring to her as a vegetable. So yes I am freaking out a little right now. Trying to not think that this thing is coming after me like a freight train….. Especially since it seems to want to attack my eyes. Please give me a chair and leave me my eyes. Alright before I really freak out and start crying, I’m going to bed.

Big Breath. Breath…….

God Damn It!

Alright now I feel a little better. What would we do without blogs to vent on. (alright Rich just asked me “What would we do?” My answer is “Cry. There would be a lot more crying.”)

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2 Comments

Posted by on January 6, 2012 in Life with MS

 

Tags: , ,

2 responses to “Terrified

  1. Judy

    January 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    If you have read my blog, you might know that I am someone who is real about what this disease means. So sometimes I will manage to be upbeat and sometimes I will be really down in the dumps. So I’m not feeding you a line when I tell you that the only person whose outlook you have to focus on is yours. If there is any disease that manifests in individually unique ways, it is MS. I know people who have had MS for fifty years and they are still walking just fine. But I also know people who head downhill fast right away. The point is that each path is unique. For myself, I find it more useful to focus on what I can do now to feel better and less on what horrible thing can happen to me. This is a terrible disease, just awful, but please don’ t start feeling the worst of the disability potential when it is not here now. Please enjoy what you have now, work on staying in the best general health possible, and try not to future surf. Or if you do, limit yourself to five minutes and then move on. What I mean by that is, don’t stuff the feeling, but then don’t give it more power than it deserves. I apologize for being so up front with advice. I usually avoid that. But your post touched me deeply. I hope this was helpful.

     
    • Janet DiFolco

      January 7, 2012 at 11:26 am

      That was very helpful, thank you Jodi. It’s not often that I wallow in self pitty, but sometime it just comes out. I don’t look for future problems though. I get upset when people give me the “it’s only a matter of time” crap. I haven’t read your bolg yet, but I am looking foward to checking it out now. Thank you for commenting.

       

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