It’s official. My MS has started laughing at my Christmas Schedule. It was positively hysterical last night. It’s just unfortunate that I was crying instead of laughing along with it.
I know that I should probably take this more seriously. Slow my schedule down a little. Acknowledge that there is actually something wrong with me. But I just feel like that would be admitting defeat. So instead I trudge on the same way I used to. Which is actually something that people, including my husband, have said that I am crazy for doing even before we knew I had MS.
But before the MS kicked my ass, we were having a really great time in the City. Noah (my 3 year old) didn’t come with us last year and since he was one the year before that it was like he was going for the first time. He was absolutely amazed by everything. The train ride in, all the big people everywhere, and holy crap I have never seen it as crowded as it was yesterday. It was like when I went to the tree lighting a couple of years ago, except it was everywhere, on every street. The tree was beautiful as always. For some reason Sax changed their snowflake show. Now it’s snowflakes and bubbles. Which was really cool technology and the kids loved it. But I miss the old snowflakes. I loved the old music and the lights. Inside Sax was still beautiful. It’s like walking into a sparkly white forest. It really is something special to see. Of course it is totally unaffordable, but worth the walk inside just for the decorations.
Thankfully my MS waited until we got to the train station to rear its ugly head. Well it was actually a couple blocks before but who’s counting. And I probably would have been ok if we didn’t have to stand on the train. It’s not like it’s the first time, but my body had decided that it was done and had enough. The world was spinning again and I could feel it internally trying to shut down. I started to get nauseous. I really was concerned that I was actually going to pass out. I made it though. By the time that we actually got to the car I was fighting so hard to not pass out that I was crying. Didn’t even realize that until the tear ran down my cheek. I wonder if that is what it feels like for the people who are in a coma and trying like hell to wake up and not just give in and let your body rest, not caring for how long it would be doing that. B/c the urge to just lie down and let the blackness take over was very overwhelming.
So the next time I start thinking about planning crazy schedules again I am going to have to remember last night. And then make sure that I don’t plan it quite so crazy.