New to this.

15 Sep

My life has recently been turned upside down. In July I was diagnosed with MS. So now I am dealing with the aftermath of that. It’s funny, one of my family members asked me what did I do when I found out and I didn’t have an answer. I just sat there staring at him. So my Aunt was like, you know did you cry, scream…? And I continued to sit there staring (I was embarrassed later). My uncle, surprisingly enough understood my shock at the question and said exactly what I was thinking. “Well what could you do? It’s not like you can change it. Just find a way to live with it.” And there it was. And I was very relieved that that ended that conversation.

It is very frustrating to me how people react to news like this. I understand, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is frustrating. In retrospect I should have waited until I was comfortable (HAHA!!!) with the news before I started telling other people. You can’t expect instant understanding or sympathy from people. Especially since, if you just looked at me, I look exactly the same. Outwardly I haven’t changed at all. Of course I feel like I’m going blind and am definitely sick of being treated like a pin cushion. But when you first start letting people know, you get shocked faces, A Lot of silence, and even more questions. Then I am sure that they go home and google “what is MS”. Cause when they told me it was a possible diagnosis I sure didn’t know what it was and that’s exactly what I did.

Now I’m just wondering when is it my turn to not be the strong one. So far I have had to be strong for everyone around me. Pretend that this isn’t bothering me. Especially for the kids and my husband. And most of the time I have to even hide my symptoms. So I’d just like to know when everyone else is going to get used to the news so that I can go find a quit place and start screaming. But I guess that’s what this is all about.

Right now I am on my second round on Steroids and crossing my fingers that it works this time. Because if it doesn’t that either means that I am stuck with this version of vision for the rest of my life, or that they were wrong and I don’t have relapsing remitting, I have degenerative. And like I told my Neurologist, neither of those scenarios are acceptable. J So here’s to good news.

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Posted by on September 15, 2010 in Life with MS


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