So many people that I want to personally send this to

I really want to say that I believe that you are missing out. I’m done making excuses for your bad behavior. Yes sometimes I need help. I hate that I need help. I hate that I get tired easily. I hate that if I push myself the world starts spinning. I hate that my balance is so bad that I can barely hold tree pose.

But all of the little MS crap aside, and honestly even with it, I’m awesome! How this is not realized by some people I really have no idea. I have decided that it is time for me to toot my own horn. I am usually the person that just let’s shit happen to me, lets people steam roll over me and apologize later. I feel very lucky for all that I have, since I know that it could be much worse. Maybe that’s why I do it.

(OMG they just asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee or a pillow! Love it!!!! Sooo spoiled!!!)

I don’t want to rock the boat. (Ironically I am stealing that from my Neuro.) things are good, I just want better I want understand and compassion I want love. I deserve these things. I just want all of the people on my mental boat to realize how awesome I am or jump ship. There isn’t enough room on hear for stow aways.

Maybe I’m just bitchy today. And yes I took my meds. God I hate that question. It’s worse than asking a women if it’s that time of month.
It’s really just that the people in my life these says have helped me realize my self worth. But there are stragglers that are having a hard time with it. I’m sorry to rock your world people but

I’m Awesome!

I realize that I have flaws, lots of them. But that is a rabbit hole that I hope not to jump down for a different blog. That’s not for this one.
This blog is to remind anybody that may have forgotten, or has yet to realize, that I am worthy. Worthy of so many things and so undeserving of so many things that I get.

 

Decisions

There are very few teenagers in this world who go into college knowing exactly what they want to do with their lives. Even fewer who stick with their original idea for their future. I am one of the many who had no idea going into college what I wanted to do besides move out of my parent’s house.

Well a husband, 2 kids, and more than 10 years later, I finally figured it out. I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.

It is a crazy epiphany. Especially since I don’t know why I didn’t realize it all along. I think that I was afraid to admit it to myself. Afraid to actually go after it. Afraid that people would think that I was crazy.

“Oh there goes Janet and her crazy ideas again.”

I have also been afraid that me going after my dream of my grown up future would disrupt my family life. I love my babies and don’t want to miss anything in their lives. How do you go to school for such an intense subject and not miss things? It’s impossible. But now that they are older maybe it’s ok to miss some little things. I’m certainly not happy about that part. But I have decided that it is time for me to stop living in limbo. It’s time for me to actually start doing what I want to do.

First step;

Finish paying off the student loans from the many changed decisions/big mistakes so that I can start paying new ones.